After James
Published by Bonnie August 29th, 2005 in Out and about, Bonnie Philosopy, FriendsAfter James we went to a Salsa Bar off lygon street I have to say it wasn’t a wonderfull place in fact I felt (and this is only my opinion) that what made the place is that everyone around me seemed to think it was a great place so they were all relaxed and danceing something you don’t get to often.
The night got me thinking about men who buy women drinks (and the other way around) and the power exchange in that. Its powerfull for the whos gets drinks bought especially if you are the kind of person who has worked out the art of paying for as fewer drinks as possible and there is real power in buying people drinks, in haveing firstly the money to shout people and in the gratification you get back from people.
What I was wondering then is what happen when you refuse to let someone buy you a drink, not for a nasty reason but just because you don’t want to buy into that excange of power
11 Responses to “After James”
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I don’t believe it is a play of power, I believe “what goes around comes around.” So Friday night I did get a lot of drinks brought for me but on thursday night I spent lots shouting others drinks, in the end it all works out relitively evenlly.
PS I think I owe you some money for some drinks that accedently you ended up paying for.
I constantly struggle with this at the moment. I lot of the time I can’t say no to people shouting me simply because I couldn’t afford to go out otherwise. I feel incredibly guilty about it and feel like I owe people something which I really hate.
yes you do owe me money but both of those are different one is where is all evens up in the end and one is simply paying for someone till they pay you back.
I’m thinking more along the lines of is there anyone who you would not let buy you drinks?? or someone you like buying you drinks more?? Is there someone you buy more dinks for than you get from them or visa versa and is there a power differnce between you and those people??
It is possible you feel no power with money or bought drinks but some people do I know I do I’m interested what other people think
so you loose power thought people buying you drinks cause you feel guilty and like you owe them something you can’t possibly pay them back for??
Yeah, I suppose. I don’t think of it as a power thing myself but I see where you are coming from. I don’t feel like they have power over me because of it. I just feel internal conflict
what effect does internal conflict have on you??
Ahh yes, the delima of free booze or loosing power. Free booze or handing over power. Ummm, what was the dilema again?
No, I know what you’re saying, but
For a serious answer (*gasp*! From me? God forbid!
), I’ve never found it an issue. Drinking is like karma. You don’t pay this time, you’ll pay next time.
I guess hangovers a like karma too, come to think of it.
thats basically what han said
it’s a toughie. i think this issue should be taken out of the context between friends and discussed in the context of two people, one buying the drink, the other receiving it. i have a major issue with somebody buying me a drink (other than me mates) because i feel an obligation to talk/ put up with/ be nice/ have sex etc, etc. the power play can work both ways. certainly when you buy someone a drink, you are initiating the exchange of power. should you choose to accept you give away some of your power. however, if you decide not to feel obligated, you can direct the power play by not answering/ brushing off/ talking nasty… by refusing, you choose not to participate. plain and simple i reckon.
ok that was just brillient “because I feel an obligation to talk/ put up with / be nice /have sex”
I was more talking about the context of two people in general - obviously the power play between friends is a little differnt because of all the things han was talking about the fact that it evens up or just the fact that you might not have money but you give to the friendship in other ways. The power play still exists with friends its just you have to take into account to many other things